Talking About Your Pain to Bring Healing For those wondering what has happened to Chat 4 Cure’s blog posts lately, here is a brief update. On the 11 th December 2017, I went down to Sydney for what I thought was just going to be a discussion with a vascular surgeon about the treatment plan for my lymphedema. However, rather than just a discussion, he admitted me into hospital that day to start treatment right away. This treatment would last 7 weeks. Since this treatment began, the lymphedema in my leg has reduced by nearly a third - go and check out the pictures on Instagram and Facebook. Sorry for the miscommunication over the break. I felt like I couldn’t do anything where I was, which in actual fact was the far from the truth. After spending the first week in hospital, they organised some accommodation for me about 15 mins away from hospital, with a bunch of other patients, carers, & family of people attending the hospital. During this time I met a lot of people who were either going through cancer treatment, or those whose lives have been affected by it. I met two parents of a 27-year- old man who had been diagnosed with leukemia in August 2017. They had been staying at the residence regularly since then. His mum had quit her job to spend as much time in Sydney as possible, and the father was doing limited truck work while their son was receiving chemo. I could tell they were doing it tough and trying to be strong. But deep down I knew that look of hopelessness and could imagine just how they were really feeling. One night I decided I would share with them about my journey with cancer, and the effects it had on my parents and myself. We spoke about some tough things that they wish could be different. We laughed, we cried, but most of all we learnt from each other. I told them to “speak out when things hurt. You didn’t ask for this, it’s not like you did it to yourselves, and you don’t have to do it alone”. The following week I saw them in the kitchen where they shared with me the difference in the way they felt after our chat the other night - “I have not been afraid to tell people how I feel about all this. I’m being more open and I’m feeling a lot better. People around me are being more supportive, not only emotionally, but also financially.” I would love for Chat 4 Cure to be in a position where we could bless families like this with supermarket and/or fuel gift cards, or even with a cash gift so they don’t need to worry about money for a little while. I believe that Chat 4 Cure will one day be in this position, but for now I can only give them the advice I wish I had been given when dealing with the disease. This was just one family that I spoke to. There are so many out there struggling with the same things, and who don’t have the support they need. There is still a big gap, and Chat 4 Cure wants to do whatever we can to close it. I want to encourage you to talk about it. Reach out. Talk about the good things and the hard things, and how it is affecting you and those around you. I hope you feel a lot better by sharing your journey.
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Statistics say that 1 in 2 people in Australia will be affected by cancer in their lifetime. Being affected by cancer doesn’t mean 1 in 2 people will have a cancer diagnosis, it includes those that have someone close to them with cancer, as it affects those close friends and family as well. Today I had a conversation with a woman going through cancer, and we shared stories about the first time we got diagnosed with cancer - where we were, the dreaded phone call that we had to make to our family, and how hard it was for our families as their lives changed forever. I was living in Canberra at the time when I got diagnosed. I remember paying for my appointment after seeing the doctor, and sitting down in the kids play area. It felt like I had been there for about 15 minutes, when in fact it was about two hours. Then I got into my car and made that phone call to my mother. I cried as I told her it was going to be alright, even though in my heart I had no idea if it was. People often ask the family of cancer sufferers about how the cancer sufferer is doing. They would ask my parents, “how is Craig doing?”, “is there anything we can do for Craig?”, and “what’s happening with Craig?”. When in fact, some of the best things their friends and loved ones could have asked them is “how are you doing?”, and “what can we do for you?”. Believe it or not, I believe it was harder on my now wife than it was for me, when I was going through chemo in 2015. The reasons why are numerous. She had to see me when I was sick and watch me endure all the treatment, she had to continue going to work so that we could afford to pay the bills, and if the worst ever happened, she and my family would still be here to pick up the pieces after I was gone. Some tips on how to care for a carer:
This is just a few ideas, but I think you get the idea. I just want to encourage anyone reading this to try these simple tips to help someone you know who is currently being affected by cancer. Just remember that it is often just as hard, or sometimes even harder, for the family that is affected by cancer, than it is for the person going through it. I would love to see Chat 4 Cure implement some of these things into our charity later down the track. One of my goals for 2018 is to focus on supporting everyone affected by cancer, and not just the patient. I’d love for you to join me! Who knows that the hardest part of doing something is actually starting it? Finding the right time, making it fit within your routine, depending of the weather, finances, work, I could go on.
We all have dreams, we all want to aspire to something else in our lives and if you don’t have dreams I feel sorry for you to be quite honest. Someone told me this week that you will always find time for the things you want to do, but no one can seem to find the time for something hard. Unfortunately when I comes to dreams we need to work hard and sometimes the result is so far away when you start you don’t see the progress because your only moving slowly. If you put it on a map it looks like your not moving at all. A good way to look at it is a clock without a second hand. You stare at it for 30 seconds or so chances are you wont see it work but you glance at it a few times a day you know its actually doing something. I’ll be honest I felt that this morning. I felt so dishearten about the choices I made and I honestly was questioning if I have done the right thing when it came to setting up “Chat 4 Cure”. A little bit of a background is that in May this year I decided to resign my well paying job with a company car to follow my dream of creating an easier way to access support for young people battling through cancer in Albury/Wodonga & beyond. I wanted to give myself 12 months of having “a crack” at my dream. It was a conversation I had with my wife telling her what I wanted to do what I knew I could do and what I wish I had when I was going through cancer. She agreed for me to have 12 months off work to get this up and running and its been tough financially for us there is no doubt. Now nearly 6 months down the track I was to focused on my end goal it looked like I haven’t achieved anything at all but it was until I started to look at the things we have achieved with Chat 4 Cure and the people we have reached and the stories of people who’s mind sets have changed about cancer. So I really wanted to encourage you today if you feel like I did this morning please report all the small victories and tick them off as you go so when you get stuck you can look back. I’m also a huge believer in doing something everyday towards your goal and in a year you would have done 365 things towards your goal. If you have find the time to watch 5 seasons of a TV show on Netflix you have the time. I’ve still got a long way to go for My team & I to complete the goals of Chat 4 Cure but I know we are getting closer each day. If your going through treatment at the moment or battling through cancer I encourage you to know every treatment you do is a treatment you will never have to do again. I understand It sucks and it feels like you will never get better but I promise once treatment is over it gets better never give up. If you have been touched by Chat 4 Cure in anyway please don’t be afraid to send me an e-mail and let me know at: chat4cure@gmail.com We would love to hear from you. “You’re sick, sit down and take it easy.”
Have you heard this before? I know I have. I may be wrong but I don’t believe that if you have cancer sitting at home, reading books, watch movies, etc. is what you need to do. I understand recovery, chemo, radio theopathy - can take its toll. I know because I’ve been there. And yes, there is a time you need to stay at home and do absolutely nothing but when you’re at home for 15 weeks like I was, experiencing my double lung operation in 2014 and then for 12 weeks during chemo, it was not what I needed. There’s a time for everything and the best thing for me at this stage was to learn a new skill or do something I never had the time to do before. The first two times I had cancer I did this - I sat at home, did nothing, watched TV etc. and to be honest, it wasn’t too great for me. It was mind numbing. It gave me a lot of time to think about what was happening to my body and how long I might live for. In 2016 When I was going through chemo for the first time, I had some pretty intensive chemo. I had 4 x 6 hour sessions of chemo in 1 week then had 2 weeks off and did it all over again, repeating 3 times. During this season I decided to do something completely different (last time with lung surgery for 15 weeks I only watched movies and played video games). I enrolled myself in a certificate IV course in leadership for 12 months. Classes started the week after my first chemo treatment. I remember hiding my hair that kept falling on the table. I wasn’t feeling well but it helped me get through that terrible time and at the end of 12 months, I had done something I never would have had the time to do. Recently, 2 weeks ago to the day, I just had surgery. I’ve recovered really well and I’m still in pain. For the last 2 weeks I have done nothing because I needed rest, but I’m in a condition when I can start doing things again. I want to show you all what I mean instead of telling you this time. I am going to have a section on the website that will be called Road to Recovery. If you have seen my video blog you would notice that I’m overweight. What you might not notice is that I have very bad lymphedema in my right leg - it’s actually 20kg heavier than my left leg and I have also approximately 50% of my right lung left. Although I have these disabilities I’m determined to show the followers and the people I catch up experiencing cancer that I can do it. I will be making it a fund raising project where you can come on the road to recovery with me by donating an amount of money for every kilo I drop within a 6-month period. You will be able to have weekly updates with me and the personal trainer beginning in a few weeks. I would love for you to come on the journey with me. Lets not sit a home, let us do something different and make a difference! Its not going to be easy but anything good to achieve can be a hard journey. “Generosity is giving more than you have, Pride is taking less than you need.”
I heard this quote just the other day and thought. “Wow, That’s it.” There seems to be a shift here and I think we can change it. Someone who is generous can give so much of themselves that it exhausts them emotionally, physically and/or relationally. For example, someone who is deeply caring and sensitive can exhaust their own time and energy caregiving. On the other hand a person who is in need of help can allow pride to stand in the way of receiving help. Sometimes I think - “Wow! That’s it! The reason Cancer patients don’t like asking for help is because their pride is at play.” So how do we dislodge pride to receive help? Here is a list to consider:
I hope this advice helps. I know its hard to balance caution and over-caution in this matter but placing boundaries on what you do give helps. I also understand how hard and scary it can be to accept help from someone else. If we both work together (helper & sufferer) It will be beneficial for both. here to edit. |
CraigO'GradyWith having suffering from Cancer 4 times, these are something that helped me get through. Archives
November 2017
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