How to care for a carer

Statistics say that 1 in 2 people in Australia will be affected by cancer in their lifetime.  Being affected by cancer doesn’t mean 1 in 2 people will have a cancer diagnosis, it includes those that have someone close to them with cancer, as it affects those close friends and family as well.
 
Today I had a conversation with a woman going through cancer, and we shared stories about the first time we got diagnosed with cancer - where we were, the dreaded phone call that we had to make to our family, and how hard it was for our families as their lives changed forever.
 
I was living in Canberra at the time when I got diagnosed.  I remember paying for my appointment after seeing the doctor, and sitting down in the kids play area.  It felt like I had been there for about 15 minutes, when in fact it was about two hours.  Then I got into my car and made that phone call to my mother.  I cried as I told her it was going to be alright, even though in my heart I had no idea if it was.
 
People often ask the family of cancer sufferers about how the cancer sufferer is doing.  They would ask my parents, “how is Craig doing?”, “is there anything we can do for Craig?”, and “what’s happening with Craig?”.  When in fact, some of the best things their friends and loved ones could have asked them is “how are you doing?”, and “what can we do for you?”.  Believe it or not, I believe it was harder on my now wife than it was for me, when I was going through chemo in 2015.  The reasons why are numerous.  She had to see me when I was sick and watch me endure all the treatment, she had to continue going to work so that we could afford to pay the bills, and if the worst ever happened, she and my family would still be here to pick up the pieces after I was gone.
 
Some tips on how to care for a carer:
 

• Talk about the situation with that person.  Don’t think that they probably don’t want to hear about it, because in reality they have to deal with it every day.  They actually probably do need someone to talk to about how tough life is for them at the moment.  They are often unable to talk about that with the person going through cancer, because the carer is trying to be strong for the patient.
• Focus on the carer.  Focus your conversation on them, and not just on the person they are looking after.  Focus on something of interest to the carer, like their job, family, or recreation, and focus on their role as a carer.
• Do things for the carer.  When I was going through cancer, we received different things from people including money, gift cards for petrol, and groceries.  People also paid for my chemo, which was fantastic, and I’m very thankful for all of those things.  But looking back, I would have loved nothing more than if one of Bec’s friends had said to her, “Hey, I would love to take you away for the weekend to a spa resort where you can be pampered”, or “Can I take you out for coffee or dinner?”.  That would have been such a big help to me and my wife.

 
This is just a few ideas, but I think you get the idea.  I just want to encourage anyone reading this to try these simple tips to help someone you know who is currently being affected by cancer.  Just remember that it is often just as hard, or sometimes even harder, for the family that is affected by cancer, than it is for the person going through it.
 
I would love to see Chat 4 Cure implement some of these things into our charity later down the track.  One of my goals for 2018 is to focus on supporting everyone affected by cancer, and not just the patient.  I’d love for you to join me!