“Generosity is giving more than you have, Pride is taking less than you need.”

“Generosity is giving more than you have, Pride is taking less than you need.”


I heard this quote just the other day and thought. “Wow, That’s it.” There seems to be a shift here and I think we can change it. 


Someone who is generous can give so much of themselves that it exhausts them emotionally, physically and/or relationally. For example,  someone who is deeply caring and sensitive can exhaust their own time and energy caregiving. 


On the other hand a person who is in need of help can allow pride to stand in the way of receiving help. Sometimes I think - “Wow!  That’s it!  The reason Cancer patients don’t like asking for help is because their pride is at play.” 


So how do we dislodge pride to receive help?  
Here is a list to consider:

1. Be aware: Be aware that the person or group that wants to help you actually gets a kick out of helping someone. Be aware that you are actually helping that person or group by letting them help you. We all know what it feels like to help someone. It feels great!

 

1. Know where you are now: Just this week I went to a dietitian to try and lose some weight. I have struggled most of my life with weight and the dietitian said something that stood out - “This is where you are, but we are not going to go any further back. We are going to start moving forward from now on.” This stood out because she acknowledged where I am with my weight and showed me I could choose two directions. This weight loss journey can get slowly better or slowly worse but we need to first take a second to see where we are now  on the scale to make progress.

 

1. Do things that scare you: I know this sounds …scary but it can be actually damaging to lean on your own understanding of limits -  to just do the things that come natural to you. My advice as someone dealing with cancer is to seek that support even when it scares you. I wish I did the first time I was diagnosed. Now I’m saying yes to every situation where I can get support and I  realise that everyone out there actually wants to see me win. 

 

1. If your supporting someone, don’t help so much that it hinders. What I mean by this is help as much as you can without causing frustration on the people you love. People can be exhausted by constant pressure to be helped financially and emotionally. It actually hurts your relationships, your wallet & your time. My advice is to have some wisdom into how much you are willing to help this person before it starts hurting other factors in your life. One suggestion, for example, is to give what you have in small, generous amounts such as cook enough that you have much to spare and send the rest over to your friend.

I hope this advice helps.  I know its hard to balance caution and over-caution in this matter but placing boundaries on what you do give helps. I also understand how hard and scary it can be to accept help from someone else. If we both work together (helper & sufferer) It will be beneficial for both. 

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